I have been reading a friend's blog tonight. Her blog is titled "Andrew's Mom". She lost her dear son this year. He passed from this earth as a teenager and went to Heaven in June. She has been bravely and eloquently sharing her journey with people through a blog and tonight I read 3 of her entries which got me to thinking.
The first one I read was from Christmas Eve. She shared about him not being there and also a poem from the vantage point of a loved one who has passed and that they are spending Christmas with Jesus this year. Her angst that while she knows he is in a better place, she still misses him, brought me to tears. After the poem she wrote:
Dear Jesus--please give my boy a hug for me today. Kiss him gently on the forehead and tell him how much I love him, today and always.
Pretty powerful. The second blog I read was a memorandum of 2010, she recapped some of the famous people who passed in 2010. I had forgotten some on the list, but quite a few of my favorite celebs had passed, I'd forgotten, as we do. This blog ended with this quote:
Even though I feel profound sorrow at the passing of Andrew, I also feel profound joy at being called to be his mother. What a gift he was to us.
I salute you Roseann, you are a rare person who, in your sorrow can minister to many with your honesty. What a gift our children are to us, I have thought that often.
The last blog entry I read tonight was about smells and the memories they evoke. Roseann shared that her son's room no longer smelled as strongly like him. After 7 months, his smell had dissipated. Only a mom can appreciate this, especially a mom of boys. Again, I was moved to tears. The power of smell. Having grown up on a pig farm, I can tell you, smells bring you right back to places and people in time. Roseann articulated this waning smell like this:
I think I am afraid the day will come and I won't feel him as near to me as I feel him right now. But that really won't happen. How can I think that I will ever forget that soul whose body was a part of my body for nine months and a part of my life for sixteen years?
It is heartbreaking. I can't comprehend and yet my friend is so eloquent and honest that I can, a bit.
So, sharing these tidbits from "Andrew's Mom" I have been convicted to make a small New Year's Resolution list. I pretty much despise New Year's Resolutions. Having been a runner my whole life, I scoff at the people who say "This year I'm going to work out!" Only to quit after a month. I feel like they're silly. This year, I will make one.
- I will trust in God that what's around the bend for me is His plan and if I lean into Him and spend more time with Him, He will prepare me for what is ahead.
- I will make more time for things like chatting with my daughter about whatever thing she wants to chat about, even if I feel like I have something else that's more important, I don't.
- I will enjoy the smells of life. I will pick up a sweaty little 3 year old boy and breathe in his "little boy" smell and try not to be melancholy that my boys are no longer little.
- I will live in the moment and not wonder about what is next because what is now is what I need to be doing.
I think that 2011 will bring exactly what God has planned for it. I will brace myself for impact and expect... just what He wants.
